Holding Grudges
by CreatorZorah
Summary: After witnessing Snape's memories, Harry gets angry and that leads to a very shocking conversation. One-shot


**A/N: ** I was driving in my car to the North Sea, when this plot bunny began to drive me crazy :) It's one-shot. Slightly OOC/AU :)

**Disclaimer.** I own nothing.

**HOLDING GRUDGES**

_by CreatorZorah_

"So, been enjoying yourself, Potter?" Snape asked holding Harry's arm.

"N-no," said Harry, trying to free his arm. He was too shocked by what he had seen in the Pensieve.

"Amusing man, your father, wasn't he?' said Snape, shaking Harry.

"I -"

Snape threw Harry from him, causing Harry to fall down on the floor. That made Harry snap out of his shock and got him angry.

"I'm not my father!" he shouted at Snape. "If not for your petty grudges against my father..."

Snape's face turned purple with rage. "Petty grudges?" Snape hissed, interrupting Harry. "What would you know about grudges?"

For a moment Harry thought that Snape would kill him, but then the potions professor suddenly calmed down.

"I'm well aware that you're not your father. I don't care. Let me tell you about the grudges," Snape said. "We share one common thing. A home where we've never been welcomed. But if you think your childhood is the worst, you better look around you. My father was a muggle who hated my mother and me for being magical. He was a violent drunkard who was eager to beat and to humiliate us."

"And then, when I was eight, I met Lily, your mother. When I saw her doing wandless magic I told her all about the wizarding world. She became my first and only friend, my escape from the endless humiliation of the home life. I cherished our friendship, we were close and I was eager to attend Hogwarts and learn magic with her."

Snape sneered. "But we were separated by the Hat. I told myself that it wouldn't matter, we would stay friends and we tried. That's when your father comes into picture. Gryffindors didn't like our friendship with Lily, but your father was the worst. He hated that Lily considered me her friend. I don't know what his reasons were. Perhaps he didn't like me or he liked Lily. I don't care. He and his friends did anything to keep me away from Lily."

"Over the years it only got worse. Your father and precious godfather were the worst bullies, they 'pranked' me at any occasion, especially when Lily was looking. To humiliate me, to make me stop being her friend. Obviously I wanted to protect myself, so I studied everything that could help me, including the Dark Arts. Inadvertently I began to push Lily away just because it was too painful to be humiliated before her eyes. I hated to be weak and she didn't make it easier by protecting me."

"You know what happened next, you saw it. I was informed that my muggle father had beaten my mother to death. I was at my worst and when they humiliated me again, I snapped. And before you, dunderhead, blame me, tell me if you would stay calm and level-headed."

Harry didn't say anything.

"I couldn't think clearly and said something I regret. However, do you really believe that Lily didn't know that? She knew that very well. I saw it in her eyes, when I tried to apologize. She wasn't really angry at me. It was just an excuse for her to break the friendship with an unpopular, not really handsome boy. She was a teenage girl after all."

"Your father never pranked me again after that. Why would he? He won and gloated over my loss. And then, when I thought that it just couldn't get any worse, Lily did something that completely broke me. She began to date your father, the same man who made me into an outcast, who humiliated me, who ruined my only friendship. It would be painful, but I would accept her being with anyone else except Potter and Black. That was an ultimate betrayal in my eyes."

"I didn't care anymore for anything and went with the flow joining the Death Eaters. Sometimes I wished that someone would kill me, but I lived on. Then in 1980 I overheard the Prophecy."

"P-prophecy?" Harry asked, deeply shaken by the story.

"Ask the Headmaster about it, I'm fed up with keeping secrets," he answered. "I reported it to the Dark Lord and then learned that I inadvertently doomed your mother with the deed. I should have been happy to be able to get rid of Potters, but no, I was unable to hate Lily. I begged the Dark Lord to spare her, but I knew that your mother would defend you till the last breath, so I went to Dumbledore in a hope the he would protect her, hence the Fidelius Charm. Unfortunately your useless father couldn't even choose the right person to keep the Secret."

Harry stepped back as the professor took out his wand.

"Expecto Patronum," he whispered and produced a corporeal patronus in form of a doe. "It's the same as Lily's. I guess I have lots in common with my mother. No amount of pain caused to us by the loved ones can wither our love. And the love for her is the only reason I'm teaching at Hogwarts and teaching you Occlumency."

"You represent my failures, the man who took everything from me, the woman who broke me, her choices and the betrayal. And you dare to tell me anything about holding grudges? Get out!"


End file.
